Va Jay Jay, Bay Bay!

Darlings, it's me, Babs, from Objets D'art. Oh, don't start hyperventilating, your favorite little Rimbaud-ette, Fireblossom, will be back dispensing her gloomy poetry and promoting sexual inversion before you know it. But I have a matter of some ridiculous importance to bring up, and I needed an audience. Oh yes, I know, I'm over there at my blog, casting my pearls before swine, but there just aren't very many of them, unfortunately. So I said, "Fireblossom honey, here's twenty dollars; go buy yourself an ink pen without rainbows on it. It's all yours if you give me five minutes on my soapbox at your lovely (*titter*) blog. Well, she went for it, and here I am.

But I digress!

My text today, Lambs, is an outrage perpetrated by the three major American television networks. No, not Bravo, Food Network and Lifetime! I'm talking about ABC, NBC, and CBS.

It seems that the empty suits who decide such things, recoiled in horror when presented with a Kotex ad which actually used the word "vagina." Oh dear. Have I shocked you? Darlings, I hate to be the bearer of such jolting news, but 52% of the world's population have got them. Pssssst, the secret may be out already!

Now, as some of you may know, I do not bleed. I like to think it is because my veins are filled with nothing but the sweetest honey. Let's go with that, shall we? But many women do. Oh, Cupcakes, I thought you knew! Sit down if you need to. No, not on my good sofa! Over there, on the ottoman.

Anyway...the Kotex people went back down into the dungeon where they keep their advertising people, and reshot the ad using the euphemism "down there." What is this, kindergarten? But still. The networks blanched and waved their hands in a dismayed "no." Still too shocking for the American public. Now correct me if I'm wrong, Darlings (Haha! Can you imagine? Me, wrong? This is what we call, saying something for "form's sake.") but I can't even watch the Nightly News without hearing ad nauseum about male erectile dysfunction, not to mention encountering the Colon Lady and that horrid Jamie Lee Curtis playing state-of-your-bowels Grand Inquisitor. It's dispiriting. And besides, it's like I used to say to my sainted late husband: if you need a little blue pill to get excited about me, then just take it with hemlock tea. Dainty little thing that I am. 

So, you nosey parkers, if you would like to find out more about this silliness, go here. You can even create your own spoof ad, or give them your signature. For every signature gained, a dollar will be contributed to Girls For Change.

Lambs, I'm simply exhausted now. I think I'll have RRRRRamon bring the Rolls around and take me back to my own blog. Oh I know, I know. No need to play make believe with me, Darlings, I know you really want Fireblossom back. If you swallow poison and are fresh out of syrup of ipecac, you can read her latest poem, "Ode To Why I'm STILL Not Completely Over That Tiresome Bitch What's Her Name." Oh my. Did I just say the B Word? Out loud? I did, didn't I. Well, just deal with it. At least I didn't say... you know. Down there. Va jay jay. Hoo ha. Vagina.

Well look at that. I said it and the world didn't end!
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