Thursday, August 6, 2009

Local History



One summer,

People began filling their bird feeders with french fries and rich desserts.

Pretty soon,

The birds grew enormous,

And just the weight of two or three would bring down the entire feeder,

Leaving overfed chickadees rolling dizzily on their backs in the grass.


Soon,

Corpulent sparrows could be seen bouncing along the lawns,

Unable to take to the air.

For cats,

Every day became Thanksgiving!


Kind-hearted Mabel Matuszyk

Tried to help.

She built little treadmills, and stayed up nights sewing birdy track suits.

And in fact,

It worked.


The waddling, flabby feathered friends began to slim down,

And PETA volunteers convinced people to stop jamming pastrami sandwiches into their feeders.

So, after an appearance on "Oprah" to share their story,

The birds returned to leading ordinary birdy lives.


But,

I don't know why I tell you these things.

I can see it in your eyes, that you disbelieve me.

Fine.

I won't tell you what happened the next summer,

When bible-quoting raccoons set up their ministry in my trash barrels.

I won't waste my breath

Talking to unbelievers.

____________

11 comments:

Scarlet said...

I believe you, Shay...and I believe the raccoons as well.

Riot Kitty said...

Remind me to tell you about the raccoons that threw plums at the roof of the house where Mr. RK used to live.

pheromone girl said...

Yours is the third use of the word Oprah on a blog today. And you know how I feel about things in 3s. What do I win???

I think we should write a story about Anastasia. Did you kow there is a white rose named after her??

Shadow said...

you are goooood!

jack sender said...

i believe in fat birds. i doubt the treadmill. how can they button their suits?

cherie said...

love your play with words!

K said...

Love the visuals.

Mama Zen said...

This is not your way of telling me that I'm getting fat, is it?

Daryl said...

Raccoons may be trouble makers but they are honest and upfront ... and Oprah, well .. 'nuf said

Pouty Lips said...

Now I know the secret to weight loss. Note to Mail Lady: Please stop putting free coupons for Dairy Queen in my mailbox.

nollyposh said...

Lol!