Monday, March 14, 2011

Fete Me, Baby!

Hello Darlings! Wow, let me catch my breath! I've been feted twice. Once by Sioux and once by Lolamouse! And you all thought I was just a bookworm with kitschy eyeglasses on a little chain, scouring the basement of the public library for my lost Dewey Decimal card catologs. See how wrong you were? Uh huh. How ya like me now?

First, let me shine the 15 watt bulb of my mighty intellect on Lolamouse's Versatile Blogger Award. *gum pop* There are rules. *throws up hands protectively* I am to list seven things about myself. First I have to weed out those things which, if revealed, could compromise national security. *sound of stuff being tossed in trash cans* Okay. I'm ready! 

1. I never had Velveeta until I was about ten or twelve, at a neighbor's house. Loved the stuff. So, I bought some recently, to see if I still liked it. Hell no. It sucks! It's like play-doh or soft plastic or yellow caulk or something. What was I thinking?

2. I have never watched Freddie or Jason or any of those movies. Can't deal. I did see "The Silence Of The Lambs" and wished for years after that I hadn't. Too disturbing.

3. I tried Mister Clean magic erasers, to see if they really work as well as advertised. They're boring looking. But lo and behold, they really do clean like crazy. "I recommend them!" says Shay.

4. I'm good with old people. I like them.

5. I'm not above playing the Helpless Female card. "Can you help me?" Shay asks sweetly. Lots of times, it's not a ploy. I really AM kind of a clutz.

6. My Secret Wish And Fantasy is of having someone who would change my oil for me. I always wait too long and they always lecture me and besides, I hate those places. There's grease

7. When I was young, I was this skinny, knobby kneed kid. But I could hit a softball a mile. I used to hit it over everybody's head. Nobody could believe it. And I did it a bunch of times. I'm still kinda proud of that. Um...not a lot has happened since. *whistles*

Oh, whoa there, Trigger! We aren't done! Now comes the Memetastic award from Sioux. My instructions, here on the back of the award, are to state five things; four of them true and one a big fat lie. Then you get to guess which one is the honking fib. Oh just do it! Or I shoot you with the trank dart.

1. I can't sleep in a completely dark room. I use a night light. Oh, bite me. 

2.  I also can't sleep in a completely quiet room. I use a white noise machine.

3. I lived in San Antonio, Texas, for six years and never owned a car the entire time.

4. The summer I was eleven, my middle brother got married. The best man stayed at our house. I didn't like the girl my brother was marrying and so I hid the best man's shoes on the morning of the wedding, figuring he had the rings and it would all have to be canceled.

5. And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation! :-)

     

15 comments:

Sherry Blue Sky said...

All so hilarious! But my Mr Cleab eraser ripped first time I swiped the side of the tub. Did I do it wrong? I love the "Cant deal" re the scary movies. Me too. Dont want that stuff in my head, it is too full of concentration camps and gulags as it is:) I'm guessing maybe the night light is the lie and the rest are true? Or the white noise machine. Both of which would keep me awake for, like, ever!

Brian Miller said...

fava beens! *sucks lip*

you will now probably need a brighter light to get some sleep tonight...

melt the velvetta it become nummy...

no jokes about gettng your oil checked from me...far too dirty for my clean hands...

Sioux said...

I think the bit about living in San Antonio is a lie. I've only been to Texas once, but it is not a state I would willingly move to. Or did Emmylou Harris kidnap you and keep you there against your will (ha)?

hedgewitch said...

Many gratz on the bloggery fame. Versatility was certainly displayed in response to those encyclopedia-like requirements, all fulfilled to our amusement. Hoping your brain is not permanently softened by exposure to velveeta and/or San Antonio. I once lived in Denton for 6 months with only a bicycle til I could get my old beater running. It's hell taking your kid to daycare in a bike seat...the other children scoff.

PS brian is right, melting velveeta causes chemical changes which make it edible over broccoli or with salsa folded in. Lots of salsa.

hedgewitch said...

O and I meant to say # 3 was probably the lie, since it was hell in Texas w/out a car, though #4 could have been a fantasy never actually acted on, or possibly #2--yeah, you're right, I don't have a clue.

TALON said...

Aww! Hiding the shoes - I love the child logic, Shay.

And I can just see you whacking that ball a mile :)

Raven said...

Congrats!!

I hate the Freddie and Jason movies too. I've only seen the 1st Freddie one cuz I was young and didn't know any better.

Magic erasers so rock!

I just really don't care for old people. Some of them are cute, but most of them are crabby and smell.

The big fat lie? That's a hard one. I'm going to go with #1 being the big whopper of a lie.

Laters!

cinderkeys said...

What timing. I just now tagged you in my own brand new shiny meme, and I find that not one, but two people have gotten here ahead of me.

Seriously. Weird.

Anyway, if you're not all memed out, this challenge is to tell your origin story. Every superhero has an origin story; why not the rest of us?

Details here: http://cinderbridge.blogspot.com/2011/03/origin-stories.html

Ami Mattison said...

Ha! You're always cracking me up. Good medicine for my otherwise boring mornings. I'd say living in Texas without a car is either a lie or was a big pain in the ass!

ellen abbott said...

well, I know you lived in Texas and I know you don't give a damn about your rep. I can totally see hiding the shoes so that leaves sleeping in a lit noisy room. hmmm, I think the white noise machine is the lie.

Lynn said...

So are you going to tell which one is a lie??? :) I was going to say the Texas thing, but one your commenters made a case for that one being true.

Helen said...

I can visualize you hitch-hiking in Texas. I think the little lie is either the night light or the night sound ~ they cancel each other out for me. I have never watched a horror film (though I did see 'Silence') .. yes to Velveeta with salsa/heated in the microwave!

mac said...

I'll take a stab at number one. There's no way a girl as brave as you is afraid of the dark !

Lolamouse said...

I love your facts (and 1 fiction) about yourself. My guess is that you're lying about the dark room. I think you could totally sleep in a dark room. Don't Magic Erasers rock? I feel like a lame housewifey advertisement whenever I tell someone about them, but they clean everything! Old people are cool except when I'm behind one in the grocery store checkout.

Mama Zen said...

I've slept with a night light. And, a white noise machine. And, half of San Antonio. Can't say I've ever met your brother, though . . .