Friday, February 26, 2010

You Know Who You Are



Ladies,

Irregular church attendance may result in a disquiet of the female temperament, unstable at the best of times.

Left unchecked, such wickedness as lack of obedience and humility, and a failure to acknowledge the husband as God-in-the-home may creep in.

Extreme instances may involve fever, hysteria, and nervous agitation combined with a complete refusal to wear a corset and bustle.

Such women become easy prey for inverts, who may be recognized by their mannish modes of speech and dress, tobacco use, moral laxity and even literacy.

Beware!

Attend services.

Keep eyes downcast.

Depend upon the superior judgement of fathers, husbands, brothers or uncles.

Pray earnestly.

Daughters of Eve, do these things and receive pardon and protection.


Or not.

In which case,

Call me. ;-)

__________


The author apologizes for her complete inability to find a picture of a woman with a Joan Jett 'do, wearing a tuxedo shirt and leathers, to go with this notice. The discovery of such a marvel would allow the author to die happy, and then, of course, descend directly into everlasting torment, where all her friends will be waiting. Neat-o!
Photograph: Marlene Dietrich

16 comments:

Riot Kitty said...

"In which case, call me." Fantastic!

Ily said...

The ending is so beautiful...and why didn't you ask, Chica? I would've gladly posed for a pic in a tuxedo shirt and leathers and done my hair a la Joan Jett for this post.

mac said...

I was reading and thought, "None of that is so bad".

Then, the last line made it all fit together :-)

Talon said...

This was awesome. Having never been the type to acquiesce (and knowing you aren't either), I was wondering where this was going.

I have a feeling you'll get tons of calls :)

Steve E said...

FireBlossom, ya won't get me outta here this way. AWESOME!!! You are ever-amazing, girl (ooops!)

I will not be calling you--grin! but I will be reading you.

My post today is about a pretty girl Darleen, who just might be "calling" you ;-)

ellen abbott said...

What's that number?

Cloudia said...

Swellegant!



Aloha, Friend


Comfort Spiral

Secretia said...

Oh, I think I'm going to be in so much trouble!

Secretia

Kay said...

Picccckkkk UUUUppppp! :) came over for a fix, never disappointed.

Mama Zen said...

This. Is. Marvelous.

the walking man said...

Cool statement, my old lady got tired of my god hood thirty years ago and I got tired of having to be such. No indoor smoking tonight.

Dulce said...

Been dialing all morning but cannot get in touch... your line's always busy!

Gabriella Moonlight said...

I will be calling you!!! OMG how I love Joan Jett! I haven't emailed you as trying to let your hand rest and heal...but sending you bloggy love and oggle doggles send hugs too..
xoxoxooxxoxo

Joanna Jenkins said...

Another great job. I'm not sure which I like more-- Your last words or your disclaimer :-)

jj

Daryl said...

Definitely call me!

Vesper said...

I adore Marlene Dietrich and... I do not attend services. ;-)