Plotters steal all the coffee.

One morning,

America awakes to find it gone,

Then sits collectively staring at its empty mug,

As at a photo of a lover who has packed and departed.

Stunned, bewildered faces reflect in toasters and iphones across the land.

At Starbuck's, smiling baristas suggest tea,

And are left beaten and groaning in a pool of their own Darjeeling.

Industry collapses.

People simply stay in bed, listless, past caring.

The plotters' leader speaks:

"I fear that all we have done is to keep a sleeping giant asleep."

Her followers give her funny looks.

Some tilt their heads like dogs.

A list of demands arrives at the offices of People magazine.

* Remove all reality shows from the air, except for "Man Vs. Food"

* Equal pay for equal work for women

* 1 tub of Breyer's chocolate ice cream

* A date for the leader of the plotters with a certain famous female rock star

Fireblossom is arrested while blogging.

"How'd ya know it was me?"

Grim-faced FBI agents don't answer.

A judge is rousted out of bed (at 3 in the afternoon) and FB is arraigned.

The coffee is found in an E-Z Storage facility down the street,

Where she has rented every space.

The proprietor shrugs. "How could I have known?" he pleads, ankle-deep in grounds.

The rock star is interviewed.

"In-fuckin-credible," she says, shaking her trademark dark hair.

Another blogger visits FB in jail.

"You're such a dumbass," she says agreeably, and FB makes a wry face.

"I brought you some coffee."

Plots are plots, but friendship is forever.

Early morning gridlock returns.

America is saved.

That night,

As if God had ordained it,

A new reality show comes on.

"FB In Jail."

It bombs.


Unknown said…
This would be an unmeasurable disaster... no coffee unthinkable
Kay said…
you can't take the coffee.... Ms Imagination
ninotaziz said…
Dear dear Fireblossom,

Beware the world - I really liked this surreal piece.

Because I drink tea!

Do drop by anytime...
Debbie said…
My post today is about a man who has bought all of Europe's cocoa beans. Similar mind thoughts!
Holland said…
Noooooooo... do not plot with my coffee... already some idiot bought all the cacao because his wife has such enormous needs but now you as well....? My life just turned hell because of a runaway girl (tears rolling down my cheecks)
Mojo said…
You're playing with fire there girl. I mean I love ya, and I'm right with you on the reality TV thing (an oxymoron if ever there was one) but DO NOT fuck with my coffee! I can't be held responsible for the consequences.
TALON said…
If they touch the tea, there's gonna be some SERIOUS problems ;)
Anonymous said…
Lucky for me, I have cases of imported espresso stashed under my office desk in case of a Fireblossom coffee-theft-emergency. Don't make me chase you with this Handpresso!
Mama Zen said…
This is more frightening than a Sarah Palin tweet. I think that I'm going to be ill.
Sara said…

This would put most of the world into chaos:~) What no coffee? Then again, if push comes to shove, I can easily switch to tea. I like to keep my options open.

On the other hand, I really wanted the "plotters" to succeed, especially if it meant no more TV reality shows!

I must admit a reality show with FB would be something to watch:~) Certainly, it would be much more entertaining than people trying to keep balloons in the air for 90 seconds (or whatever it was).

You made me smile...thanks:~)
mac said…
I don't drink coffee.
Maybe, I'll bust you out of jail. You can go underground for a while and plot your next move.

This time, demand immunity from all previous crimes...
Riot Kitty said…
Bwahaha! Would that be a date with Joan Jett? ;)
Lynn said…
It takes a lot for me to burst out laughing out loud (when looking at blogs when I should be working), but this post did it. lol!!!!

I hope you would keep Top Chef on, too, should you get out of jail.

A world without coffee, imagine.
ellen abbott said…
"FB on the Loose" would have been much more entertaining.

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