The Resentful Chicken
The Resentful Chicken feels resentful, and so joins the Tea Party.
"Things are not as they were, in the golden days when I was young, with bits of egg shell still wet upon my feathers.
Then, the sun shone brightly across the barnyard,
And there were no Rhode Islands or Leghorns crowding me off my nest."
Following a resentful pause, the Resentful Chicken continues:
"The Farmer interferes with my life and takes my eggs away to sell to Bob Evans and McDonalds. My children end up in McMuffins."
The Resentful Chicken's eyes flash like fire.
Oh all right, like little pen lights, then.
"I did not lay them so that they could end up on a value menu in Topeka.
I'm not 'loving it'. I'm mad as hell!"
The Resentful Chicken flaps around on the ground a bit, then goes on.
"I don't like the Farmer.
His overalls are not Oshkosh. He has hair in his ears.
He treats us all like machines, lined up in a row, as if we had no interior lives!"
In fact, the Resentful Chicken does have an interior life.
It is filled with seething resentment.
The Resentful Chicken wants to see the barnyard return to conservative values.
No hens with hens. No roosters with roosters.
Back to the days when the Farmer looked like Walter Brennan and Timmy and Lassie played in the shade of the elm over by the farm house,
Rescuing dumb city folk from commies when the need arose.
The Resentful Chicken grows pensive.
"The Big Rooster will put a stop to all of this. 'Thou shalt not spilleth thy seed upon the ground', so sayeth the First Fowl!"
But, alas, the Big Rooster is no place to be seen when Col. Sanders buys the Resentful Chicken.
Cut up, rolled in flour and fried, the Resentful Chicken ends up both kicking the bucket and riding inside of one.
"Give me some chicken," says Enrique.
"Madre Dios," says Guadalupe. "It tastes funny."
Enrique tries some, and agrees, it tastes really weird.
They take it back to KFC.
"What's wrong with it?" asks the manager.
Well, it tastes....."
Enrique and Guadalupe look at each other.
"...resentful. That's it. It tastes resentful."
They get their money back for the fucked-up chicken and go home.
for magpie 39