Monday, January 18, 2010

Canada




Canada becomes belligerent.


Led by Wayne Gretzky, the aggressive new expansionist regime sends its armies pouring across the border into Minnesota.


So many Lutherans!


The land of ten thousand lakes becomes the new Poland, overrun by its neighbor and vanquished in a week.


Truth be told,


The Minnesotans barely look up from their hockey games,


Most of them believing they were already Canadian anyway.




Moose peer out of the woods, amazed!




Next, the Gretzkyist government in Ottawa sets its sights on Michigan.


The White House, occupied elsewhere, shrugs.


The RCMP rounds up the governor and her cabinet;


A kangaroo court is convened.


The mayor of Detroit escapes by night, with the help of his disgraced predecessor.


Investigating agents, sent in from Toronto,


Discover that the Red Wings are actually Swedish!




Apple pie is banned.


Donuts appear everywhere!




Canada, shrouded in snow and mystery,


Is a riddle to most Americans.


The invaders, with their strange accents, mobilize from Detroit,


Which they call "Detroy-it."




Ohio trembles.




Exotic French-speaking women, wearing half the creatures of the forest around their shoulders,


Hypnotize the world and neutralize resistance.




Can anything stop the Canadians?




Americans, driven nearly mad at the prospect of having nothing but "The National" to watch at ten o'clock,


Wonder,


Will Cincinnati fall?


Atlanta?


Will Miami be annexed and renamed New Hamilton?




Gretzky gloats.


The White House wobbles but does not fall down.


In Detroit, the puppet government reports temperatures in centigrade.


Confusion!


Upheaval!


Queen Elizabeth on the money!


Loonies resting in every palm.




Regardez! La guerre est ici!

__________

18 comments:

Together We Save said...

Interesting....

Riot Kitty said...

Hee hee! So many Lutherans...like my extended family.

Pouty Lips said...

Look! Curling is here! Finally a game I can excel at. Oh, I forgot, you need ice for that too! Once again I'm out of luck.

Mama Zen said...

The White House wobbles but does not fall down.

That is hilarious!

Jeannie said...

Whatta ya mean we talk funny? I think not!

lisleman said...

Hey I'm near Chicago and getting worried - eh.
Every winter I think they are trying to take us over with their cold arctic air masses they send our way.
This should be investigated.

Fireblossom said...

Jeannie, hey, noothin' agaynst ya, eh? I proobly doon't knoo what I'm tookin' aboot!

Lisleman, they've got the Alberta Clipper on their side. Be afraid. be very afraid!

Secretia said...

Many Americans are not sure where Canada is on the map, and have no idea of the vastness of the country.

mac said...

Just as Coach Hayes would say,

"Get out of Meat Chicken fast!"

The romantic query letter and the happy-ever-after said...

You could simply ask us to leave for the truth is we hate to be a bother. Besides it wouldn't hurt so bad, I went to school in America for awhile and could hardly tell the difference. Also if we are going to do away with your apple pie we would more than like give you the butter tarts in its place.
I liked this quite a bit, it made me smile.

SharoninWonderland said...

LMAO

Talon said...

*sipping Timmies double-double and smiling knowingly*

(and a belligerent Canada had me laughing out loud)

Cloudia said...

I mist report a sizable foothold by Canadian snow birds here in Waikiki!



Aloha, Friend!


Comfort Spiral

Tabitha Bird said...

LOL. Love it!

the walking man said...

Why not star the invasion in Detroy-it eh? Tim Horton's is al;ready here waiting for them with a taste of home eh? can't have them not have the national donut ready eh?

Shadow said...

what a delightful interpretation of politics!

Daryl said...

Rent/download .. watch Men With Brooms .. a young Paul Gross (he was Darryl on ABC's now cancelled Eastwick) rocks ... and he is was and is still hot!

Kay said...

i don't think the candians will be able to conquer the latino miami so easily! :) hehe